i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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