So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
barbara walters just said penis...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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