just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
