the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
