We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
