Is it normal to miss your booty call?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
