I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
