I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
