Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize