You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
