there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
