When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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