Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I love you.
Bad choice
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