She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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