so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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