Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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