for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
