I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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