Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize