Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
