i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
