the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
