i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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