I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
