She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
