I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
