and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
