Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
