in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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