I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
