"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
