come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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