As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am available for nakedness
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize