I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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