My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
