Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize