i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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