Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
