it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
im on a boat
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