Just took my morning after pill in the library
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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