Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
