Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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