Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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