T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
