I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
