ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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