I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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