I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
