I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So gin and wine won't be happening again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
