yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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