you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
