She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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