the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's never too late to be topless.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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