Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
