I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
