True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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