i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
