Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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