Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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