my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
