ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
