I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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