Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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