too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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