Did you just see the Batmobile???
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize